Harry Potter and the Chest Hair of Doom
by stephex-ismyhappiness
Summary: Harry and Ginny, Draco and Hermione, Ron and his......Chest hairs! What? Yes. His Chest Hair.


Harry Potter, once again, was the center of attention, even if it was just in the boy's dormitories. And Ginny, being the only one _in _the boys dormitories, and he was the center of her attention. Lying on top of each other had become a bad habit of theirs, especially since their "relationship" was supposed to be secret.

"Oh Harry", Ginny said, "I have waited so long, why don't we just tell everyone about us?"

"Because," Harry reminded her, "I told Neville that I would go out with him, and I don't want to hurt his feelings."

Huffing, Ginny turned away from him, gathering the sheets around her body. "Fine." she replied angrily. "I suppose it doesn't help that you two best friends, Ron and Hermy, have deserted you. Ron's off with Voldy, and Herm's with Draco."

"Hush," said Harry in his sexy voice, "Let's not worry about those bastardly betrayers now."

"Ooh Harry!" Ginny lent in and kissed him, biting off Harry's lower lip. "Ha!"

"Ahhhhhhh!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry Harry! (he he he) we'd better get you to Madam Pomfery!" she said through her giggles.

"Mughtlugh!" said Harry through the flowing blood that was spilling onto the innocent white sheet that, Ginny noticed was hugging Harry in all the right places. Ginny grabbed Harry's lower lip and helped him out of bed. "

"Come on Har."

Harry mumbled resentfully up the halls as the two of them made their way to the hospital wing. When they arrived, Madam Pomfery greeted them normally, as this was not the first time Ginny had bitten off one of Harry's body parts.

"Come on Harry, over to your bed," Madam Pomfery said, gesturing to the only double bed in the wing, with a "reserved for Harry Potter, Girlfriend, and unjoined body part" written on a plaque. Harry strained against Madam Pomfery's iron grip when he noticed that the occupant in the next bed to the left of his was none other than his ex-best friend, Ron Weasley who was having a jaw reconstruction (Voldy was a violent Lover).

Harry helped Ginny into their bed as Madam Pomfery was tusking and trying to re attach his bottom lip back to his mouth. "Bloody sex driven children!"

Ginny grinned and winked at Harry. Ron's angry glare turned to a look of realisation at what had just been implied.

Rolling his eyes at Ron, Harry thought "Took him long enough to notice, the stupid git."

Harry was distracted from his thoughts of Ron's stupidity when the hospital wing door opened yet again. In waltzed Herm and Draco who were curiously stuck together, Herm's tongue being stuck on Draco's sculptured stomach. The couple had decided to experiment with Super Glue.

Draco smirked at the awestruck expressions directed their ways. Hermione blushed "OhmygodDracothisissoembarassing!"

Draco smiled down at his half-naked girlfriend. "It's alright Herm, I'll just get _Father _to take care of it.

"Malfoy!" Ron exclaimed, "you're straight?!"

Draco glared at Ron, "Do you think I would get the name _Sex God of Slytherin _if I was Gay? No, that's right hun, I don't think so!"

"Draco! You betrayed me!" Ron wailed.

"Weasley, we NEVER DID ANYTHING. Remember?" Draco said threateningly.

"Oh. Right!"

Hermione narrowed her eyes at her boyfriend, grabbing his crotch and squeezing. "WHATDIDHESAY?!?"

"Oh Herm, Darling! He said nothing! Nothing at all. Will you marry me?" Draco gushed.

"OhDraco! Iloveyou! OfcourseI'llmarryyou!"

Ron crossed his arms angrily in front of his chest, Red hair poking through his hands.

"Ron, what's wrong with your chest hair?" Ginny asked. It was growing before their very eyes, forming a huge mass of...Hair!

"Shit of Merlin Ron!" said Harry, pointing at his chest hair. "Its Voldy!"

"Yes! it is I. I have been in Ron's chest hair follicles all along! And I have a proposition! How would you all like to come and work for my new brothel?" asked Voldy.

"What if we said no?" asked Harry.

"You would die," replied Voldy.

Draco glanced down at Hermione and shrugged. She nodded.

"Count us in!" Hermione grinned and hugged him around the hips.

"Us too," said Harry when he saw that Ginny's face light up with excitement of having sex all day long with Death Eaters and complete strangers.

And that was it really. Voldy gave up his evil ways and Harry had saved the world again. He and Ginny became the best male-female orgy group in history, and Voldy went on to win the international pimp and brothel awards. Draco and Herm had lots of babies, and devoted their spare time to making more. Ron died when he was seventeen from too much sex.

The end

By Steph and Ellie


End file.
